My Savior Man Eats Hair At A Learn-Like Place
by 336
Summary: Inspired by "Harry Potter and the Portrait of Something that looks like a Pile of Ash", this fic covers what My Hero Academia would look like if an AI wrote it.


_**Season 1 Recapture**_

" _ **Hero No-Look"**_

"EIIIYAAAAAEEHHHH!" Izuku Midoriya's high pitched screeching filled the odd room as he scrambled around the table flailing a statue of All Might through the air. "All Might is the shirt of Universe! I want to grow up and eat his hand!"

Butt…

"I'm rice Izuku!" Izuku's mom whispered loudly as she slammed into her sonnet, whom was crying bloody shears. "I wish it was definitive!"

 _I was burned with vowels. Horklets. They had a nice bibe. I wanted to hardily kiss them so nasty, but it wasn't. So then, I lied to get into my seat. Still… Even though my mom was passed out, my liver was still working, and thanks to those horklets who killed me and walked me, I did not lose the way. My limbs are being snarky. And though I've had sex, my willy is just behind. See, this isn't a story, it's a bible of undecimo._

 _ **Chapter 1**_

" _ **That's somewhat great, Ohio"**_

The city hopped softly through time, it's menacing cars flying right through the streets. People eyes bulge outward at the sight of a TV screen displaying a leisurely newswoman.

"Up next, Villains are schools. We don't know why. It might have a connection to All Might, who is serving food for the league of Villains. 72 Villains arrested but no news on capes." Her boring voice said.

* * *

"The UA nectar isn't sweet." Shota Aizawa, scruffy looking teacher said. "It has to be bitter, but never soggy."

"Ok." The rather musty classroom said in chorus.

* * *

"This Istanbul… No, we cannot afford our tax rates… We must think of this as a box!" All Might proclaimed to Izuku.

"But what about Deku quirks." Izuku said trembling in fear.

"You know how the family is eaten up right?" All Might said waltzing over across the room.

"Of course."Izuku answered. "The students are separated by their flashy hair, and then they beat each other to death with pillows."

"Yep!" All Might said, pointing his fingers through Izuku before the couch decided it wanted a different job and fazed down to the ground.

"Mutter mutter mutter mutter mutter mutter mutter mutter mutter mutter mutter mutter mutter mutter mutter mutter mutter mutter mutter mutter mutter mutter mutter mutter mutter mutter mutter mutter mutter mutter mutter mutter mutter mutter mutter mutter mutter mutter mutter mutter mutter mutter mutter mutter mutter mutter mutter mutter mutter mutter." Izuku muttered.

"There's no future or hope for you kid." The defiant All Might spewed as boards poured from his mouth.

"Ok." Izuku replied.

"Some Hero's make up while other Hero's let down." All Might continued. "The difference between them is that there's no squid in the ocean."

Izuku looked devastated.

"I'm sorry, I know you like the squids, but they're only on the beach."

* * *

The clock was an egg. It didn't know why, only that it was hard and that everyone was gluing their eye's to it, making a huge mess. Below it stood a moderately sad mob of high school children.

"Hey, what's cracking baby?!" Tenya Lida roared.

"Yeah I won't let you steal our door!" A raging Minoru Mineta shrugged.

"They're eating out the nectar cunts. We make do with real shit." Katsuki Bakugo announced as he slid uncomfortably close to the sad people. "Wait for it!" He screamed, spewing water everywhere.

Bakugo reminded Izuku of a turkey baster. Like a turkey baster, he made him want to eat children.

"Use the phone already! We're short on time!" The musty class shouted.

After painting over the sad people, the class started to break dance towards the cafeteria, but Tenya beat up a stop sign before everyone could enter.

"Villains." The dehydrated Tenya shrunk.

"And then I hugged him and he felt better." One smoky villain rasped.

"Awwwwwwww." Cooed the raving crowd of uncomfortably muscular men.

Another Villain, this one wearing Johnny Test underpants, spoke through his hand. "Fighting really hurts. Why can't we all just dip for apples instead?"

The Villains then continued plotting to destroy the Twilight Saga.


End file.
